Home » Need Help » Domestic Violence » Personal Safety With An Abuser

Personal Safety With An Abuser

Safety Planning Guidelines

These safety suggestions have been compiled from safety plans distributed by State Domestic Violence Coalitions from across the country. Following these suggestions is not a guarantee of safety, but could help to improve your safety situation. If you are considering leaving an unsafe or dangerous situation, please see our information on Safety Planning or print the Safety Plan Checklist.

Personal Safety with an Abuser

• Identify your partner’s use of force so you can assess danger to you and your children before it occurs. Try to avoid an abusive situation by leaving.
• Identify safe areas of the house where there are no weapons and there are ways to escape. If arguments occur, try to move to those areas. Practice how to get out safely. Practice with your children.
• Don’t run to where the children are, as your partner may hurt them as well.
• If violence is unavoidable, make yourself a small target; dive into a corner and curl up into a ball with your face protected and arms around each side of your head, fingers entwined. Try not to wear scarves or long jewelry that could be used to strangle you.
• If possible, have a phone at all times and know what numbers to call for help. Know where the nearest pay or public phone is located, and the number to Someplace Safe or your local women’s shelter. Don’t be afraid to call the police or 911.
• Let trusted friends and neighbors know of your situation and develop a visual signal for when you need help.
• Teach your children how to get help. Instruct them not to get involved in the violence between you and your partner. Plan a code word to signal to them that they should get help or leave the house.
• Tell your children that violence is never right. Tell them that neither you nor they are at fault, and it is important to stay safe.
• Plan for what you will do if your partner finds out about any plans you may have for leaving. Create several plausible reasons for leaving the house at different times of the day or night.
• Keep weapons like guns and knives locked away and as inaccessible as possible.
• Make a habit of backing the car into the driveway and keeping it fueled. Keep the driver’s door unlocked and others locked — for a quick escape.
• Call Someplace Safe (800-974-3359) or a domestic violence hotline periodically to assess your options and get a supportive, understanding ear. National Domestic Violence Hotline 800-799-SAFE (7233) or 800-787-3224 (TTY)